Happiness is not the ultimate goal of life

In my opinion happiness can be a goal, but it’s not a particularly useful one.

For most people, happiness is the “end goal” to which all their visible goals are intended to lead:

• Bob wants to be lose weight and get in shape, because he believes maybe then he can finally accept himself and find peace.
• Rick dreams of finding a beautiful wife, because he feels she will complement him and make his life happy.
• Caroline wants to start and run a successful business, because then she feels she will finally be enough and can feel happy.

In each of these cases, the visible goal (losing weight, finding a wife, starting a business) is just a proxy for happiness, security, and peace of mind.

Each proxy (or goal) is ultimately an attempt to control, manipulate and influence the outside world to get what we want and need so that we can feel fulfilled and happy.

The problem with this way of thinking is that we all already know that life doesn’t work this way.

There is nothing anyone has ever reached, achieved or acquired that has made them happy for very long.

All goals, once reached, have lost their shine and ability to make us happy — often, in a matter of hours or days.

Having happiness as a goal is like saying I want there to only be mountain tops and no valleys. If all we had was mountain tops and no valleys, all land would be flat.

Have you noticed what things are static? Dead things.

When you strip away life, you are left with things that are static, because all living things and systems are dynamic (and even dead things are not completely static).

The fundamental nature of all life is that it ebbs and flows.

This includes our state of mind.

Just like weather changes from one moment to the next, our state of mind changes, too.

One moment we are happy, peaceful and content — only to find ourselves discontent, anxious, and unhappy in another moment despite nothing in our circumstances having changed.

Thus, the problem with happiness is a goal is that it is like saying your goal is that it’s only sunny outside.

This will never happen, but every time you feel happy, you will inevitably examine at your circumstances and thinking for clues to create more happiness.

But there are no clues to be found there, just like no matter how much you study the weather, you will never be able to control it.

In other words, happiness as a goal is quite useless, because happiness is beyond our control.

In fact, the more you try to control it, the less happy you become, because control is the tool of fear. It’s how fear tries to gain control of this scary, unpredictable world.

What fear doesn’t realize is that all our attempts to control only reinforce our fear — after all, why would we try to control things if there was nothing to be afraid of?

If I may, I would like to suggest that rather than try to find happiness, realize and accept that the nature of life — and the human experience — is that it ebbs and flows.

Sadness, insecurity, jealousy, irritation, or anxiety are not problems to be solve

The only sure thing in life is that the sun will set tonight and rise tomorrow morning…

7 July 2023 — L.D.D